if only i could text you this smell
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
