Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
