i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
