Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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