her vagina looked like bernie madoff
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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