Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
