Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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