The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
