The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
