I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
