I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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