I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
