An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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