Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
