Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
