I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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