she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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