oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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