Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
