I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
