I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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