): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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