I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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