Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
