Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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