i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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