I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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