This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
