is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
