Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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