RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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