yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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