matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
