I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
