i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
