I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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