I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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