I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
