I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
