she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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