I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
