I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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