You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am mentally ready for anal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
