she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
