did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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