I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
