I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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