I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
