you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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