hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
