I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize