your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
