I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it glows. i had to have it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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