Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
