Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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