ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
