ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
