we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
