I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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