So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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