Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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