just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
