i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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