I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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