she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
