They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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