oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
