If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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