Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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