I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I want is dick and wine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
