So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
