i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
