Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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