I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
