What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
