If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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