remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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