How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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