I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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