fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
