Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
