Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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