grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
