i don't like sucking hair
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My ass is underappreciated
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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