Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize