im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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