So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
