Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you

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(609): View more from New Jersey

there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

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(415): View more from California

i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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(360): View more from Washington

last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne

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(416): View more from Toronto

You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february

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(406): View more from Montana

3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.

(1-406): View more from Montana

How stoned are you?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon

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(206): View more from Washington

You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'

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