chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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