Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
