I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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